if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
