you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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