For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
