Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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