i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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