I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
