Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
