Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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