During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You have to summon your inner elephant
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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