That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
