I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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