I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
