i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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