See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
