Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
barbara walters just said penis...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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