The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
did i just pee glitter
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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