I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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