Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
