i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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