Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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