I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I CAN MOONWALK!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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