Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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