I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
