so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
