Michael Bay diarrhea
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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