Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
