Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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