And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
