You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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