Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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