if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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