So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize