So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
