a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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