Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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