I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
