false alarm. still invincible.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
