If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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