i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize