Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
