I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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