Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
