Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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