It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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