her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
