I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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