My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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