Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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