i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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