we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
please come you make the beer taste better
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
