I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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