just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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