morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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