Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
