new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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