I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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