if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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