I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
