oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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