it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
