I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
