people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
