hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
