Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
