Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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