when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
